My second son was just born 4 months ago in here, The Netherlands. My first was born in Indonesia.
I had a vaginal birth with my second son, the first one was a caesarean delivery.
Maybe people are right… the second time was easier.
Maybe they are right… I can handle the pain better.
Maybe my parents are right… I have more experience thus I can see things brightly.
The truth is I had baby blues when my first was born. I had it for almost 3 months. Trust me… It was purely hormonal (at least that was what I felt). You have it or you don’t have it. I have to say… purely luck.
I was struggling to cope with my emotion. It was like going on roller coaster in every single hour. Exhausted.
At the end, it was gone. The melancholic feeling was gone.
We moved to The Netherlands and 6 months after… I was pregnant (again!).
Was it different?
I have to tell you this…
It is really possible to have a very light pregnancy while still taking care of my toddler son, still biking every single day, cleaning the house, studying, and socialising.
I was amazed with that miracle. I felt so easy.
Also.. the delivery process wasn’t that bad. The contraction was fast and I only needed 10 minutes to push my second one out and see the world for the first time.
I felt so blessed… I even wanted to jump to say “huuraaayyy!!” to express my feeling.
I still feel amazed that I could have a very beautiful pregnancy and delivery process. It felt like a dream came true. But… the surprise wasn’t ended yet…
…and when I was home… 10 minutes later… someone rang the bell.
She said “good morning! I’m your kraamzorg for 7 days!”.
Aha! This is it. This is the moment that I will experience that I didn’t experience in Indonesia…
Kraamzorg is an institution that provides help and service for mothers who just delivered the baby, once she comes back home.
Kraamzorg will send a nurse to work in a mother’s house for 44 hours or more. We, as parents, will divide those hours into days. I decided to have her for 7 days.
Her job is taking care of me and my baby.
She said “what you have to do is 100% rest, because when your husband is back to work, you have to do everything by yourself.”
I looked at her like… “really? I can rest?”
She replied “I will take care of the baby and your house.”
“Meaning?” I asked.
“Other than take care of you and your baby and also your first son, you can ask me anything about how to deal with a new life and I will give advices in anything you need, I will prepare your food, take care of your laundry and clean the house.”
……we’ll see what is the impact she will bring to me…..
I didn’t give order to her. We have an equal position. It is not like between boss and employee. Not at all.
When she came to our house… it means she was the one who manage the house. I rest my case.
I slept, I ate, I took shower and I gave breastfeeding.
Luckily I had a very sweet and very skilful and knowledgeable kraamzorg lady.
She gave us a lot of good advices how to take care a newborn. We learned a lot from her.
We learned how to deal if the baby cried for so long, how to cope with the new life. how to take care of our first son, and how to manage with the busy life we have. She was more like an advisor who helped us with the household chores also.
That was actually what we missed in Indonesia.
I trusted her with my heart. My husband trusted her also.
My midwife said that my stitches, down there, were very beautiful, but it didn’t decrease the pain. It was hell painful.
Luckily… it was gone within a week.
With all the helps from my kraamzorg lady, I was able to lift up my strength and ready to do parenting of a toddler and a baby after she was gone. She boosted my confident. She believes in me.
I always felt that actually she is an angel.
Without her help, I wouldn’t be able to gain confidence to take care of my children after she had finished her work.
Of course my husband and my family had influence too.
But in this case… it gives me really different feeling.
When my first son was born… I felt like my world was upside down, I didn’t feel like myself. Suddenly got struck by baby blues.
With my second one… I even didn’t cry for postpartum syndrome. I felt joyful, also felt a lot of pain, but still I felt so so light.
Maybe my husband is right, she helped me but the fact that I’m alone here.. no family who can come everyday to help, no driver, no maid, gave me a boost or gave me a push that I had to be confident, I had to gain strength to take care of our children while he was working.
Maybe my husband is right… It is not merely because of the kraamzorg lady but it’s me who has different mindset.
… I only partly agree.
I still believe that I was lucky. I was lucky that it was her who came to us.
Some people complained about their kraamzorg.
Mine was a blessing.
Yes… you were a blessing..I know you are reading this, Marjan.
Thank you so much for coming to our life, even only for 7 days.
I feel so blessed.
I hope we can meet up again… one day.
He loves playing with his little brother. Sometimes he is so excited that he couldn’t control his own power. I have to teach him “your brother is still so so small…be gentle”.
My men ! 🙂
Having a family is merely about one thing, it is about love.
Greetings from a mother who can’t sleep….
and hoping both kids sleep through the night. 🙂