A letter for you, my eldest son.

I remember the first time I heard your cry, I couldn’t describe how I felt. I have a baby boy in my arms.

When you were home at the first time, I felt overwhelmed.

When you had your first smile that was the time that I had a chronic sleep deprived. Suddenly my pain was gone.

Your big, bright eyes, always capture everybody’s heart.

You let me believe that I have a strength to face the puzzle of parenthood.

You make me stand up and chin up on how I raise you.

You give me strength that I am able to face the cultural differences when we moved to The Netherlands.


I was pregnant for your brother.

While I was pregnant, I had a feeling that I’m going to miss the time that I play with you all day…

So, I really managed a time to really enjoy every single moment with you before the baby was born.

When I came back from the hospital, you were excited but also sad, because that was the first time you saw me very sick… I even couldn’t walk properly and carried you.

My heart was sad also.

The time passed by and I recovered. You were happy again seeing me alive and active.

You try to understand that everything is new and it is no longer papa mama and you… but also there is a baby boy around you also.

You are always very sweet with your brother.

The first time you kiss your brother, my heart smiles.

The first time you said “Mama, you cook now. I will take care of the baby”, I cried for happiness without you know it.

The first time I cried in front of you after we had a fight over a napping time, and you cried while saying “ssttt… mama don’t cry”… It still makes me cry until now when I remember that moment.

You are always giving me “the first time” moment…

You are always be my first love.

The love that stays forever in my life.

Thank you for the lesson, thank you for the encouragement, thank you for everyday experiences, thank you for the sincere laughing, joy, crying, everything that we share together.

You believe in me without a doubt, thus I believe in you, my son.

I believe in us.



Mama. Xx


18 thoughts on “A letter for you, my eldest son.

  1. Agnes says:

    Mbak Sekar,
    Salam kenal, saya terharu baca tulisannya.
    Btw, saya izin “keliling” blognya mbak Sekar barusan. Keren sekali tulisan2nya, mengingat kita sama-sama perantauan di Belanda, I can feel what you feel hehehe πŸ™‚
    Jika mbak main ke Den Haag, kabari ya mbak. Siapa tahu bisa ketemu.



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