Relation(ship)

This page will be dedicated to any writing about relation(ship). Hmm, why I have to put the “ship” like that ? Well, it’s because I have my own opinion about the relation and the ship.

on the 29th April 2009, I wrote a “very nice” opinion about “why you don’t get married yet?” in facebook…(http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=90862450762). This notes had so far… 98 comments.

In that date, for sure, I wasn’t married (yet). I had a relation which a year after.. it ends. In that notes, I clearly said that I wasn’t against the marriage concept but I just think that a marriage is a full right of someone to choose. To be married or not to be married is purely our own choices. I live in Indonesia, where parents can be your decision maker until you have a teenage kid. So, my opinion is not reflecting what is actually happened in my hometown.

29 years old woman (me!) not married yet and decided to say that (might be) I won’t get married.. because I didn’t see the point why people has to get married. Those sentences are really reflecting of who I am (see “hello world” page). A lot of people agree with my notes… Believe it or not, some of them are woman who get married in early age (below 25 y.o). They are agreed in the fact that (for them) marriage isn’t as beautiful as they seems ever imagine before!. They said ” Don’t get married soon, you will regret it.” Oh… my notes didn’t say anything about marriage and regretting. But however, some agree with my notes that marriage is a fully own’s choices. Some also didn’t agree with my notes which I fully respected. Well, either you are marriage, samen leven or not married is our full decision… but is it true when we are in that moment to decide, are we really decide it because we are ready or because we have to be ready ?

Now, in this dates… I’m a wife of a great man (ever) and I’m so happy with my life. Aha ! Not just only you who ask me “Why?”. Some friends really asked me seriously (when I announced that I will get married)

“Why you decided to get married?”, “Are you crazy?”.

Aha! Am I crazy ?

Let me explain the marriage culture in my country. People tend to get married because they should get married. Why ? Many reasons but most reasons are :

1. The parents want to have grandkids (sometimes old people tend to “compete” with their friends, who will be the first to have grandchildren).

2. The couple is in relationship for sooo damn long years (time to get married otherwise people start thinking that something not good is already occuring).

3. No matter what the reasons, you are already above 20 and pleaseeee don’t get married when you are already old enough which is above 25 y.o…and most of your friends already married. Oh… you are alone and you don’t want to be alone.

Well, still many reasons… Yes, perhaps I exaggerate it… but I’ve been there, done that.. and I still know some couples are married because of 1 of those reasons above. That’s perfectly fine… but I just wished that they were really committed after… :(  really, I do… Marriage isn’t about official, i love you – you love me. It’s about the next step (very serious one) that you can’t escape. Is it sounded scary ? nope. It’s just full of responsibility.

Those reasons are enough to say that many people just before the wedding will reply this question “are you ready to be married ?”, they will reply with “Ready or not ready..I will get married!”

Oh…crap! That’s the first indication that you are actually not ready to get married ! This is the one moment in your life that you will enter and you will have a full responsible on building the family of your own and you aren’t ready ?

For me, that’s the start when people change the status from in a relationship to in a relation without a ship ! You are floating.

Because to be in a relationship, it takes people who are ready to be in the ship together. Marriage is a real deal of a relationship not a relation without ship. I live my life – you live your life but we are in a relation.

So, I come back again to my life…

Now, I’m a married woman, 31 y.o and yes…believe it or not..I’m in the phase that I can say “I’m ready to be in the ship together in a marriage”. Voila ! Yes ! I was surprised to myself as well…that my mind and soul have grown together systematically supported me to be fully ready in this phase.

Because before, when I was 28 or 29… I wasn’t ready at all to be in a marriage.. even though I’m really (almost) the last person in my college who get married. But I don’t want to pursue what so called “a marriage”. If my ambition to get marriage then I will end up in a marriage but I’m not sure if I will be with a great man (like my husband). Never chase something so called “marriage” that’s a concept that is made by law regulations !

Before I’m married, I don’t want to take any chance to get married just because everyone is already married. I don’t want to be alone and lonely when in a marriage. I don’t pursue marriage.. I want a peace relationship which fortunately lead into marriage. People can say that this note is a bullshit… it’s perfectly fine. It’s just my opinion about relationship from my point of view.

Far I can see, since I was young… A marriage isn’t an easy phase… It’s a happy life but there will be phase that’s not easy.. and it’s for the rest of your life… so, why we don’t take it seriously and think about it carefully before taking decision ?

Are you really in a relationship or in a relation(ship) ? When your heart know that you are in the ship alone even you are in relation, you know it…you will be alone as well in a marriage. When you choose that… I wish you will have courage to solve it ( I don’t mention to break it).

When you are ready to get married, you will feel it. Marriage isn’t about love ! Yes, it’s mostly about love, but the most important thing is about you both are in love with the relationship, the commitment and the the communication between you and your partner.

It’s onetime life moment… you have to be really sure that the relationship isn’t a relation(ship) that somehow, deep down you feel it, you can not do communication, you find it hard to define together what is commitment, and you are at the point “it’s not love..it’s about comfort and afraid to be lonely”.

If you think, you are in relation(ship)… think again, are you dare enough to become alone and lonely in your marriage ?

PS : Cheers !! for you, all of you who is brave enough to reply “I will get married when I’m ready”… when ? “I will… soon.”.

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